I don't think I want to be amazing...

...I think I want to be real.

I'm a perfectionist by nature.  Sometimes I am able to balance that fairly well, utilizing its strengths and downplaying its weaknesses.

But sometimes, it just makes me feel like a piece of perfect looking plastic with hidden scratches and a flawed structure.

Sometimes I need to be reminded how small and imperfect I am underneath everything I'm learning, underneath the success, underneath the life-that is-ever-so-wonderful.

I'm a small, weak, sinful person.

I have a strong God.

And sometimes I need the humbling reminder of that, of the fact that I can't do it all.  Of the fact that being wrong and being hurt and being vulnerable and messy isn't always a bad thing.  Of the truth that it's so much more fulfilling to be real and to be following Jesus honestly than to be putting up walls and painting pictures of a perfect person I'm not.

And it's so amazing to see God make beautiful things out of messes.

What is Eternity, really? {Part One}

Eternity is?

peace  happiness  no war  a great big party

  fun  joy  no death  good things  ice cream

   friends  new bodies  no disasters  fountain of youth

  a feast  summer  good food  beauty

Jesus

How would you define eternity?

Maybe you have felt the call of eternity on your life.  Maybe you've experienced that deep hunger for something more than what this world sells in shiny, glittery, empty packages. Maybe you've felt in your own life how God can take a sinner and give their heart a passionate beat for Eternity.

But what is eternity, really?

So many people define eternity by how they want it to be.  I've been guilty of that myself-- wanting the good things about eternity but not really caring about whether God will be there.  There was a man who once said "Some people want to go to heaven, but they don't want God to be there." Doesn't that often describe us?  There are some legit things that God promises will be in heaven, and they are good things.  I'm not saying that we can't desire the good things that God promises about Eternity.  But I've been convicted that the sum of Eternity is so much more BIG in scope than that.  And I don't want to miss out on it.

Is eternity really just about me getting fulfilled and being happy and doing what I want to do?

Eternity means something radically different than that.  This past weekend I was at a conference and heard a speaker talk about Eternity.  One verse he read really stuck out to me.  This is Jesus, talking right before he was betrayed and killed.   He prayed to His Father and this is part of His prayer:

"Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." ~John 17

Wait, eternal life isn't just a perfect place where we'll get to do fun things and be happy forever?

Eternity is about knowing Jesus and giving Him glory?

Part two coming soon!

The brokenness that begins the healing

You know, I used to think that I had it all together
I believed I was invincible
I could fix my own problems
I could heal my own hurts and bandage my wounds

You know, it fell apart on me
All the lies of individuality
I couldn’t hold up my mask
And keep on smiling like nothing was hurting

You know, it was a good thing I was broken
And it was good to cry
Because when I broke in pieces
You gently picked them up and made me new

You know, it wasn’t pain free
It hurt more than anything to be healed
I had to let go of my isolation
And come out from the façade I had been

You know, the freedom I feel
Knowing you, being known by you
It’s a feeling of peace and security
Knowing I can be honest and you’ll love me anyways

You know, this mask is trash now
I don’t need to hide behind my face
You’ve changed who I once was
All I can do is lift my heart to praise

You know, this heart is loved
And I’m only beginning this journey
It’s a wonderful mystery
How brokenness is what begins the healing

~abbyelizabeth

This day we call Christmas

Oh, to write an original Christmas post.

Hah.

There is nothing new under the sun...but still, every Christmas has it's wonders.    
They may be old, but there is something comforting about things that are old.

That makes me think of something in a show I watched recently.
 "I like old things.   They make me feel sad,"   one character said.  
Her friend replied, "What's good about sad?"  
To which she said:  "It's happy for deep people."      

So if I talk a little mellow, a little deep, a little bit thoughtful, know that it's coming out of my heart, which, at the moment, is in a thoughtful, reminiscent mood.    It may be 'sad'...but it's truly deeply happy for me.

Christmas is nearly here.      I'm glad for the break from school, work, even the internet.      I think it's good to get away from all the things that clutter up our lives and relationships and simply spend time with people.    Sometimes I overanalyze and over plan my relationships.     But this Christmas is reminding me of the value of simply being together.

So with that, I'll sign off until New Years...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~abbyelizabeth

Grace amazing, vast and free

We are not saved by what we do for God but by what God has done for us in the person of His Son.

“For by GRACE you have been saved through faith; and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not a result of works, that any man should boast.”

"We are not what we should be

We haven’t sought what we should seek

We’ve seen your glory Lord

And looked away

Our hearts are bent

Our eyes are dim

Our finest works are stained by sin

And emptiness has shadowed all our ways

Jesus Christ

Shine into our night

Drive our dark away

Until your glory fills our lives

Jesus Christ

Shine into our night

Bind us to your cross

Where we find life"

I can't seem to find out the title of this song, or who wrote it, but I suppose that it doesn't matter incredibly much. 

"Time to buy and time to lose"

     So, a friend pointed out Five for Fighting to me.   Now, as a disclaimer, I've heard only about 3 of their songs, but what I heard I liked for several reasons, mainly the wistfull, dreamy quality of LONGING.  Here's something from 100 Years to Live:

"15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live" 

~100 Years to Live~

Time to buy and time to lose.   That sounds SO true.   We as young people think a lot about the future, and what we're going to do with our lives.  We dream big, we hope.    Where are we placing our time?  I know where I want to spend mine.   Loving Jesus, loving people, and spreading HIS glory wherever I go.   In every week.  Every day.   Every hour.  Every minute.

"I wish the ring had never come to me.  I wish none of this had happened."   "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide.   All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."

~Lord of the Rings~

"Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil."

~Ephesians 5:16~

~Abby~

{Life continues}

Jesus, when I call out to You, You answer.  You never give up on me even when I live contrary to You.   Your still small voice calls me back to You.   I belong to You forever!  My heart has been changed, I am made new.  I will follow You.

The other day this song came into my head.  It's good to be reminded of my priorities and what I need to search and long for.

Jesus, my passion in life is to know You
May all other goals bow down toThis journey of loving You more
Jesus, You’ve showered Your goodness on me
Given Your gifts so freely
But there’s one thing I’m longing for
Hear my heart’s cry
And my prayer for this life

Above all else
Above all else
Above all else
Give me Yourself

-Vicky Beeching- Above All Else-